Mom, I didn’t know!
Mom, I didn’t know!

 
By Eeno with some help from Baby Center

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Good bye Top and D’Artagnan

The first scare of the journey was waking up, going to the bathroom, and seeing bloody everywhere!

My first thought is “Miscarriage”. The second is denial, so I don’t say anything to Pierre for several hours and wish it to stop. The 3rd of course is fear, and regret of all the things I should have done–all the things I could have done. My stress regimen, lack of sleep, my 1 cup of coffee a day, choosing not to do acupuncture, and so on and so on.

This all happens on a Sunday–typical. So we go to the clinic on Monday. PiR comes with me. The doctor does an ultrasound and immediately says, “You have twins!”

Two goats and a clot
Two goats and a clot

It’s the first time we hear it the word! Twins. “Are you happy?” Uhhhm. Yay! We beat the odds!!! Which is exactly what our doctor says to us. 2 of the embryos have taken. Hearing the news, it doesn’t feel real, and neither of us in the moment have feelings one way or the other. Singleton - great. Twins - great. We just want them to stay.

Dr Ryan hugs me. It was a great hug. Also, to be hugged by an American doctor felt special. I’d been hugged by doctors in France, in Mexico, in South Africa as an extension of their practice, but the American doctor was a mysterious breed regarding the sharing of emotion and physicality with patients. I’m glad she was our doctor. If you want a fertility doctor, you should choose Dr Ryan. xox.

It’s a swimmer
It’s a swimmer

And the blood. The reason I was bleeding is because I have a 4 cm blood clot next to one of the embryos. If the clot grows larger, and the body decides to dispels of it all at once, it could pull the zygoat with it. Doctor says there isn’t much to do, but rest. “I want you to relax for the next few months. Stop working. No more yoga, exercise, sex, or lifting of any kind.” Which makes me stress. I can give up everything except stress.

I’m incredibly fortunate to have Pierre. Not just to insure I rest enough, but because he’ll care for me and remind me of what’s important.

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