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Take out the mono candle! It’s Max & Emmanuelle’s first Birthday today!!

They’re one year old. One year! and oh what a year it was….

Emmanuelle ma fille
Emmanuelle ma fille

A year ago today at 10am I was hearing the first cries of baby Max and Manu. As soon as they were delivered into this world, their high pitch mewls came in rapid succession like a baby bird fallen from her nest. Panicking. And me, lying on a hard bed with a side of spinal tap, listening to the scurry and the unruffled voices of doctors & pre-term specialists buzzing around me. Fear, joy, and clarity-disparity were all along for the ride and for a long moment I stared up to the ceiling, simultaneously feeling everything and feeling nothing. Thinking of the decisions that had brought me to this pinpoint moment.
 
 

Everyday is naked day!
Everyday is naked day!

A year later, as in right now, I’m sitting with Max, Manu & Frenchy-baby-daddy-Pierre opening presents and telling the kiddos they are no longer infants but bona fide toddlers. “You’re a little man, Max. You are my petite mademoiselle, Emmanuelle”. They laugh and caw looking at us, waving back to us with their little hands having no idea what it means, just that it connects us. Max is carefully turning everything in his hands and in between his fingers. Emmanuelle along side him, insisting all graspable matter around her bend to her will (or just make alot of noise).

They of course are less interested in presents than their wrapping and all the noise and mayhem they can generate. Shred all that paper, chew it up and spit it out. Pound the crap out of all things tangible. Oooo, those batteries taste scads better than the boring pacifier. You get the idea… Babies for bedlam, in a wonder world where entropy reigns.
 

Stand back mere mortal, this one is....
“Stand back mere mortal, this present is….”

 
I can barely remember what life felt like without them. Like they were always meant to be here, it just took awhile to get around to laying the gateway for their arrival. Prior there was always something I told myself I needed to do first - a list that can be never ending. I felt locked into a lifestyle whose universe centered around the “me”. I wanted to let go in order to step outside it, but that’s a hard sword to lay down…
 

Whats on the inside is
“OMG! We’re being attacked by a sheep head!”

 
Traveling for 3 years throughout the 3rd World was indeed getting out, but returning to life in the US was bittersweet. I experienced things I will never be able to convey and in re-entering the life I had left, I became more an observer than participant. But it was my solo travel to Thailand & India living in different monasteries for meditation practice that really brought me into the present. This changed several things - some of it very painful.
 

Wonder twin powers activate. Shape of a baby!
“Wonder twin powers activate. Shape of a baby!”

 
I realized I needed to end certain friendships due to their unhealthy and negative nature and evaluate assumed ways in my thinking that either no longer served purpose or no longer held truth. Dynamics within my family needed to shift as well.

Community and creating a family became important, but I think I was afraid of committing to growing kids until one day Pierre bluntly says, “You aren’t serious about having kids, and you are going to wake up one day and realize it’s too late. You need to get serious if you want kiddos.” That little phrase worked wonders because 2 moths later I was pregnant with twins.

All that to say it was quite a journey that brought me to my children and they to me. It’s always astounding how common childbirth is, but how unique, how mystical the experience can be to each human being.

Pierre and I, we made 2 amazing little people. I can’t believe our fortune on this one. Our kiddos laugh and smile sun up to sun down unless tired or hungry. They go to bed with little effort, they are healthy and beautiful and really full of such marked personality. I pull them into my arms, I smell their skin and melt when their little arms and hands clutch at my shoulders, their legs kicking with delight to be held. I burn this into my memory and into my flesh. It is so primal, so animal.

So Happy Birthday Max, Bon Anniversaire Emmanuelle. And thank you Pierre for helping stir, pour and mix the pot, er petri dish and bring the kiddos into our lives. You’re a fantastic father.

2
2 months: “I have never known life without you”
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that’s me
that’s me

 
My name is Max, and this is me okay.

I get fasinated with electronic thingys, and so I am going to rite my own blog today. Right now, I am an infant but not for long, ’cause in 3 days its my birthday, and Manus too! Then we are toddlers! Then I can be a little man.

symbiotic woofness
symbiotic woofness

My mom calls me petite souris (little mouse), and sometimes she calls me her monkey because when she and papa pick me up, I cling like crazy to them and squirm. I am so happy to be close to them that all my little arms and legs shake with fun. I do this too when Pius comes in the room. I am a silly baby sometimes. I love things a hole lot.

I had my head measured today at my doctor. It is really big, so I am going to be a smarty in my pants toddler. Big blue veins run through my head carrying lots of goo and stuff. My mom loves the veins in my head. She takes pictures of them. She is crazy about my clothes. I dont know why. Everyone looks at how cute I am, not at my clothes.

I can almost walk too. If you let me hold your 2 pinky fingers, I can run my little legs all around the house. I love to chase Pius and go into every room to see whats going on. I can walk to infinity and beyond if my mom would let me but she falls over after 15 minutes and screams, “Enough Max, my back is bleeding!” But its never enough. I want to run mama!
 

Manu & I have a special baby language
Manu & I have a special baby language

 
I only scream and cry a little when I’m hungry or sleepy. I save the real high pitch caterwauling for when my maman and papa take away the iPhones. I love to play music on them, and look at the klidascope color balls that dance on the screen. I like to stick it in my mouth and slobber all over it and stain its kangaroo pouch. Manu likes it too, but not like me. Manu is my best friend. We play together all day, and she visitis me in my crib every morning to wake me up because sometimes i cry when I wake up.
 

I’m looking at a duck.
I’m looking at a duck.

I dont know why, I am very sensitive. I am shy too. When I meet new people I smile all over my face but then I burry my face in my mama’s shoulder and turn pink with shy. And I think cause I am so sensitive, that that is why I cry in the morning sometimes, cause I like to be held and squeezed. As soon as someone comes for me then I smile alot. And then I keep smiling, especially when we go for walks in the park in the late sun each day. Maman carries me and papa carries Manu. I am a skinny baby like my papa. But like I said, I have a big head.
 
 
So oh yea, its my birthday soon. I was really small when I was born. Only 3 pounds and it was so scary. please send me birthday wishes for me and my sister to be strong and smart and happy and healthy babies. and to live long lives full of passion (whatever that means, Im just a baby) and some other stuff too. I love you. I love everyone now cause I am a baby. My maman is going to turn me upside down and swing me around when she sees what Ive done with her computer.
baby love, Max
 
 

Baby Love
Baby Love
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Manu, my daughter is a silly filly. If there’s a place you don’t want her to go, that’s the place you will find her. She is a trickster and a barrel of monkeys. Let me tell you about Emmanuelle…

Give me back my Scientific American!
Give me back my Scientific American!

My daughter is strong. She will go through & tear apart your magazines and eat them, and then dare you to fish around in her mouth with your nubby digit in a futile attempt to retrieve the pulpy slush between her gnashing gums.
 
 
 

The
The Very Hungry Caterpillar

My daughter is a sneaky caterpillar. She will wriggle like a larvic commando across the floors to your favorite house plants, rip and shred their leaves from their mother trunk and caw with delight as you try resurrecting the dead, dismembered branches back to life.

My girl has the fastest lobster claw in the west. Before you can say, “That poached salmon and carafe of wine looks divine”, she’ll have everything in a godspeed trajectory to planet floor.

In motion for some commotion.
In motion for some commotion.

Right now, as we sit and listen to some Brain Eno music application on my iPhone, I am watching it slowly make its way towards her mouth. Maybe she thinks it will sound better with a viva voce reverb! Or that a baby slobber-filled jack helps the output levels. Never mind the mountain of toys, books, and play things strewn all around her. She has quite an eye, quite a honing device for the no-go zone.

And then, when I whisk her into my arms away from the aforementioned dangers, her face is unfailingly full of surprise. I ask her how she always seems to find that rich vein of mischief while exploring her universe. And even though she can’t talk just yet, she can answer with her eyes, “Why momma, that’s where all the interesting things are. I’m not afraid. I’ll go far.”

I love getting to know you.
I love getting to know you.
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