Better than Birth
Better than Birth

We see billboard images of gore and horror promoting the next blockbuster, we visit restaurants where women sell beer and chicken wings with smothering cleavage, and we listen to televangelists delivering cock-and-bull harangues in the name of the good Lord to listeners across a country where gun ownership is man’s god given right. We all cross in and out of these fatuous scenes without much thought, yet… People still freak out about seeing a pregnant woman’s belly in public.
 
 

Shame on you, Tori
Shame on you, Tori

Was sup! even 52% of our wild and crazy, Us magazine readin’ youth think its obscene for a pregnant woman to show her growing belly in public. What is it that makes people talk about pregnancy as the most beautiful thing ever, and then squirm about and declare it offensive when it pokes it’s head into public view?
 

I remember riding the subway in Chicago each day to design school. There was a billboard of Rambo holding a bazooka with his sweaty, grimaced face ready to take out an entire village. Damn that movie made alot of money, and I doubt anyone complained about the obvious intent of murder and revenge conveyed in the add.

You can’t escape beauty
You can’t escape beauty

However, just behind that billboard was an ad for Benetton of a newborn baby girl. Her name was Giusy, and she was intended as an anthem to life, but instead was one of the most censured visuals in the history of all Benetton ads — if not all ads.
People sent letters and made phone calls by the 1000s demanding Benetton remove that obscene image of a newborn baby. WWRD?!!? What would Rambo do? I beieve Bennetton relented, and removed it. Affirming that life is a much more frightening prospect than death.

I too remember, while living in Boulder, Colorado, sitting at my business watching a hippie girl walk around the pedestrian walkway. Her hair with flowers, her shirt tied up, and her naked very pregnant belly being very proudly exposed.

Better than Fashion
Better than Fashion

A young hippie boy ran up and dropped to his knees and put his ear to her stomach laughing and smiling. She was so angelic to me. I then noticed a white married couple dining outdoors at an upscale steak house watching the entire tribulation with looks of disgust across their faces. I liked the irony that they were disgusted by life, while eating death, and I wondered if they would make it through their meal. Unfortunately & pitifully, their reaction isn’t uncommon. That said, if you are pregnant and find yourself in need to show off your new beautiful body, hop a plane to Argentina. When I was there with Pierre, women walked around all the time with their stomachs exposed with no drama, happy to reveal the thrill of what is soon to come. Life.

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Pierre has really gone crazy with blogging. He’s quite up to date, en vogue, tres currant w/ the stories! So, after a 3 month hiatus in the high Alps of Pregnancy, I too finally have a second to tell my own tale of how it all went down, and how Max and Manu finally made it through the portal of life.

The Power of One
The Power of One

But like Superman, when he became so angry at some personal injustice that he flew at supersonic speed against the earth’s rotation — causing it to reverse it’s spin, and thus reverse time, we have to go back a few months, when I was tipping the scale at 160 lbs and still had 2 fish swimming around in my basket.

My entire pregnancy had been fluent, effortless, and I assumed it was going to continue as Pierre and I made our way to Parinatal, a clinic specializing in high-risk pregnancy. 2 weeks prior the doctors had instructed me to take it easy and rest. I had found it impossible to stay put, as though bed rest would be the death knell of my independence.

Pierre began to worry, asking, “How much will it take to get you to go lay down?”
“I dont know.” I said. I waited, looking at him. How much would it take?
He offers, “$20 bucks … How about $20 bucks, will that get you down? Go lay down for an hour and I’ll give you $20 bucks”
“Cool”

That worked a few days…

Max, not quite ready for the world.
Max, not quite ready for the world.

At Parinatal, the doctor took one look at the ultrasound and he says to me, “Your cervix is only 7cc, I need you to check into ER today. Don’t waste time, quit your job (like I have one), stop everything. Go to ER”.
As soon as I can throw everything in a bag, I arrive at the ER, they take my vitals, shoot me up with steroids (to help the lungs and brain of Max and Manu develop quickly in case of pre-term delivery), and put me on strict bed rest. I am only at 27 weeks.
 
 

Planet Saturn
Planet Saturn

I am hooked up to 3 monitors around my belly. 2 are for the heartbeats of the kiddos and the other is to measure my contractions. It records all this on a trail of paper (see pic below) which streams out 24 hours per day killing 100s of trees in it’s wake.

Meanwhile, the twins are alive under my skin. They kick hard enough now that they’ve bruised my organs and a rib. Best of all is when their fists and elbows push up through my stomach and swim under the skin, a bit like Freddie Kruger #3 when all the souls he’d captured were trying to escape his body. I watch intently — their captivated audience.

Bed Rest ain’t for the meek.
Bed Rest ain’t for the meek.

After 3 days here I, without solicitation, have an OBY, a high risk specialist, a lactation specialist, a creative arts organizer, a chaplain, a manicurist, an adviser for preterm delivery, a social worker, and countless nurses all stop by my bedside to insure my well-being while on bed rest. The hospital wants to insure that patients don’t grow depressed (which is very common). For me, bed rest is a holiday. My room even has a better view and address than our apartment!

Bed rest ain’t cheap though. It’s so not cheap, that Pierre and I set up a poll for our readers to guess just how cheap it isn’t. Unfortunately, Pierre was too excited and he spilled the beans, so you know by now….

$5000+ per day. Had I known, I would have been demanding Henna tinctures and monkeys to pick lint from my hair.

So, I am on bed rest for the next several weeks, if not months. I must say, I have not slept this well in years. Is it worth $5000 per night? … It depends on who’s paying.

Best Rest Homies - 27 weeks and counting
Best Rest Homies
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