Twins. Today my friends Ian and Locke both happened to send me the same image of this beautiful woman 36 weeks pregnant with twins. The image helps quell my fears I’ve been having about becoming a fatty, upholstered in plump.

So I go to Google searching for other pregnant women and the first image that comes up looks more like a burn victim. Good Lorb, I’m so unfamiliar with any of this. I think I’ve seen like, 3 pregnant women in my life. The images, one after another explode my fear of what my body is going to look like, and that I’m going to grow into some kind of stretch-mark Chia Pet.

Really Scary Stretch Marks
Really Scary Stretch Marks

Other images look like giganto goiters barely tethering to stomachs due to the mass pull, others like stomachs graffiti-ed with lightening bolts. Instead of putting away the computer, I gawk for 20 minutes until I’m well and disturbed.

Finally I call Pierre. Yeeelllll for Pierre. He sees what I’m doing, and tries to take my laptop away from me, saying “That’s it, give me that. I’m going to put the parent safety filters on.”

I’m really upset. So he hugs me and is trying to make me laugh, but dood, that is so sci-fi freakazoidio-show. My stomach is gonna look like Crater Planet! I’m going to sell all my stock and super-size me some plastic surgery. Eeeey!

In the end, I am mostly impressed with the woman who gave birth to triplets! Really an amazing feat, and I’m just…impressed.

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